The Kiss – Claudia Bakker

Written for Mugglenet Interactive and published on that website on October 1 2007. Edited to correct grammar in 2019.

“Oh Lily,” he sighed in her ear. She felt her belly twist as she looked into his pitch-black eyes. She saw his passion, his undivided love for her. It was more than she could ever want from him. She put her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. His scent was enthralling, it reminded her of shoe polish. His lips felt warm and tender on hers. She kissed him deep and he kissed her back without reservation. This was where she belonged, she thought, in his arms. She was blessed to have found love like this…

Lily woke up with a start. She put her hand to her mouth, remembering her shameless dream. She checked beside her, to confirm whether James was still asleep. She let out a grateful sigh to see him breathe in and out steadily. She looked at her trembling hand. What on Earth had possessed her to dream so intensely about Severus Snape!

She gently raised herself from the bed and went into the bathroom to fill a glass of water.

She’d better forget her dream. It was no big deal at all. She probably just had too many glasses of Pumpkin juice before she went to sleep. They always gave her bad dreams. She ignored a voice inside, telling her that this had been the opposite of a bad dream.

Why would she want to kiss Severus? She knew who he was, what he was, and she wasn’t attracted to his miserable longing for the Dark Side in the least. She was a member of the Order! They were now mortal enemies! James had mentioned him at dinner; she figured this is what caused the dream. Severus had been seen in Hogsmeade and her husband had sneered about him ‘Sniveling about.’ She had smiled, as always when the subject of her childhood friend was brought up.

Lily hated the man he had become, but she would never be able to forget the boy she once knew. The boy she had once loved.

She closed her eyes and leaned back to the wall. She allowed herself to reminisce for a moment. Her thoughts drifted back to the spring of her fifteenth year.

She had spent every day of the Easter break with Severus. On the last morning of their holiday, the day before they would go back to Hogwarts, Petunia had yet again enraged Lily. Her sister had taken the habit to ignore her. At the breakfast table Lily had asked Petunia politely to pass the milk, but she had acted like she didn’t exist. When Lily had repeated the question, louder this time, the older girl had sighed and poured herself some milk.

“Tuny! Give me the milk!” she had yelled out, just when their father had entered. He reprimanded her for her behaviour.

Lily had been very upset still, when she met Severus an hour later by the swings. They sat down and he had listened to her rant. She could read his thoughts, and she was grateful he didn’t express them. He was just there for her. When she had calmed down, he had reached for her hand and squeezed it.

“She’s just jealous because you are special.”

There was an undertone in his voice that made her look up. His eyes looked back at her in admiration; their tenderness left no doubt about his feelings. In that moment, she only desired his love. Hesitantly he closed their distance, his eyes locked with hers. She could feel butterflies in her stomach; she wanted his kiss.

His hand moved towards her face and he touched her lips with his thumb. She closed her eyes and sighed. She had been hoping this moment would come for a long time now, and it took her a lot of strength not to take the lead. She would definitely chase him away if she did, he was so sensitive.

Lily felt the warm touch of his lips on hers. It was electrifying. She could feel the passion he put in his kiss – their first kiss – and it almost made her want to weep because it felt so right.

They were brutally interrupted by a disgusted cry.

“Ew! So he’s your boyfriend now? You let him touch you?”

Petunia stood right in front of them and could not believe what she had just witnessed. Before Lily could respond to the rude comments, Severus got up to his feet. His face was inches from her sisters’ when he growled. “Leave us alone, you ignorant Muggle!”

Petunia spit in his face. Lily had squealed but again, before she could react Severus had made a move. She witnessed her sister being jerked to the ground with force, her face bruised as if she’d just been hit. Petunia crawled back, looking more afraid than Lily could have imagined, jumped up and ran away. Without even looking back at Severus again, Lily ran after her sister, calling her name. She was furious with her friend for hurting Petunia like that. There was simply no justification for it! It had scared her that he hadn’t even used his wand. She wondered if he’d get away with using magic outside the school. She was worried for him, but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him this easily. She had let him get away with too much in the past already.

The next day she saw him in the train, but she was still so angry with him that she could not bring herself to greet him. Instead, she ignored him. She noticed the wounded look in his eyes when she past the compartment in which he’d been saving her a seat, as always. She thought with a hint of sorrow, that maybe this would make him rethink his actions.

She sat down in an empty compartment and stared out of the window. Severus’s interest in the Dark Arts had grown by the year and she knew he was rather good at practising them as well. But how could she agree to that? The Dark Arts were aimed at hurting people, killing them even, and everything in her despised it. If only he’d give it up. She had asked him so many times, but it was like talking to a wall. However, she refused to give up on him. He had to realise sooner or later that love – their love – was so much more important than some stupid spells!

Lily heard a sound coming from the baby room. She smiled when she softly opened the door. There, in the crib, lay her six month old son. Unaware of his mother’s past, dreaming about his own future. She couldn’t resist caressing his plump little cheeks. She leaned over the crib and watched him sleep, as her thoughts wandered back to the day she had realised that her love wasn’t enough to save Severus if he didn’t want to be saved.

She sat in the sun, reading a book. Suddenly she had heard excited voices. She looked up to realise it was James Potter and his gang, chasing someone. She recognised Severus and her heart leaped. It had been two months since they had kissed. She could still feel his lips on hers when she closed her eyes. She knew it was partly her own fault that he hadn’t touched her again. They had spent time together, but it wasn’t like it used to be. Severus was always on his guard, trying hard to do the right thing. He made jealous comments about her hanging out with Potter and his gang, but didn’t change who he associated with himself. She had taken some distance from him. She could not give herself to him completely anymore, there was something bothering her, and she could not quite put her finger on what it was.

When Potter flipped her beloved in the air, anger took over. That stupid brainless pig didn’t have the right to make fun of anyone for his friends’ entertainment. When she looked into Severus’s eyes, there was only hatred. Hatred against the entire world, including her. Him calling her a Mudblood didn’t even hurt her half as much as the sudden knowledge she acquired with this one look. He would be capable of hurting people, without even caring what he did. He would be capable of killing, just to make himself feel better. He would be capable of anything… if he would keep following the road he was taking… as she now knew he would.

She had hoped he would be brought to his senses when she broke contact. She had hoped he would realise she was worth more than the Dark Arts. But her hope was vain. He probably never even considered giving them up to get her back. It had been so hard for her to be confronted with his pain, over and over again. But it had strengthened her anger and made her more certain that she was doing the right thing.

Lily sighed. She straightened herself up and put a string of hair behind her ear. Only then did she discover her face to be wet with tears. She had not even realised she had been crying. She wondered when somebody had last shed tears for Severus Snape.

She gave her son one last look and went back to bed. James softly snored when she lay back next to him. She looked at him with mixed feelings. She loved him dearly. She would never want to change him. However, he wasn’t the passionate man that Severus was. He could not make her feel as wanted as Severus had.

She wondered if he ever thought of her. If he remembered that one kiss they had shared. If he was happy now.

A warm feeling spread through her body. For a moment she had imagined what her life would have been like, if he would have given up the Dark Side. Would she have married him? Would they have a son together? She allowed herself to fantasize about a life with Severus as she slowly drifted into a deep slumber. That was after all, all it was. A dream.

Spread the love